The morning started with breakfast with my family. I made eggs. Scrambled. I am still not sure of my way around the kitchen so scrambling eggs seems like a safe bet. Melissa said they were good, and my little Ella..."Dad, I want cereal." That is what she had.
It is moments like these that seem simple, but I sure like watching my little girl find her way and make decisions for herself. I always need to remind myself to appreciate and enjoy the ordinary.
After breakfast I was off to work, where I met up with my boss and my new assignment as I am to adjust back to work and figure out the new normal. As such, our lead pastor, is allowing me to ease back into the position with giving me just two assignments: I am to work with our church's small groups (weekly group meetings in homes), and our Next Steps program. More on this in a moment.
The rest of the day went well, as I organized my office, hung a picture of Nate on the wall, and began evaluating how and where to start focusing my time and efforts. It was a good day.
The thing that has brought me to write today, is Next Steps. In our church, Next Steps represents what we do to help people take their next step in their relationship with Christ, wherever that may be. It could be meeting Him for the first time, placing their faith in Him, joining a small group that will help them grow, baptism, etc. I am really excited about this opportunity, as I am realizing that I get quite excited when people take a step in their life for the better.
In fact, it can be any step for the better that excites me. It could be the college student who makes a decision to follow their conviction over peer pressure. It could be the teenager that finds confidence. It could be the couple that decides to change how they handle money to better their marriage and circumstances. It could even be that person who talks a little less and listens a little more for the first time. In the case of our relationship with Jesus, it would be that one little step away from our inward focus, towards Him. I love forward motion!
So here it is, I made two of my own "next steps:" one, I finally put my application for American Citizenship in the mail, and two, I changed my Facebook profile picture.
The citizenship application has been 10 years coming (how long I have lived in the USA), and it is nice to finally take that step towards Merican-ing (southern drawl) myself. A few months, a test, and an interview with a judge, and I will be a full blown US citizen.
The Facebook profile picture change was much harder and has a lot deeper and personal implications. It might not seem like a big deal; however, when Nate died back in November, I changed my profile pic to a sweet shot of him. It has been his pic till today. I don't feel like changing it makes him gone anymore than he already is, but it was part of a prayer and step of trust I needed to take. I need to let him go and trust the Lord that he has him in his care. I know this and believe this but it has been a hard pill to swallow. Keeping his picture up was one more way that I have been gripping the past. Clinging to an off chance of some miraculous event that it is all dream. Silly, I know, but under the circumstances, many silly things are normal.
I love my boy, and always will. He is in the arms of my savior. This little small change of a silly social network site, was symbolic for me. I am attempting to move forward. I know I will fall back and I know it is still so close and there are many days of sadness to come. I know that in the days to come, as we would have been celebrating his 1st birthday there will be many tears. Though here is my reality, I need to keep walking. I need to take my next step, even if it is a little one.