Thursday, February 28, 2013

Happy Birthday Son

In re-reading this before I posted it, it seemed that I am a little all over. :) I hope you enjoy!
"If our baby thinks it is coming out on the 29th (leap day), it has another thing coming. I am going to gas pedal that baby in there till the 1st." Yep, those words actually came out of my mouth. I felt quite strongly about not having a leap day baby and yet that is what we ended up with. I need to remind myself to stop saying "never" because it always seems to happen. ....I never want to be super wealthy!... well, that one doesn't work but most the others do. Interestingly enough, the never always end up better than I could imagine, especially my leap day baby boy! Leap day now is pretty special.
One year ago either today or tomorrow, our little baby boy Nathaniel Henry Wiebe was born. Now, I am going to divert from the "beautiful baby" talk for a moment because I actually think babies look kind of funny when they are new born. They are kind of squishy looking. I was caught off guard at the births of both my children with that momentary thought of, "ummm? (observe) uhhh? (take in) Ok. (resolve) Here we go!" I get it and know why, they just went through an intense transition but "beautiful looking" baby for me comes a few days later. In spite of all that, even if the physical appearance isn't how they look in the movies, I love my babies at the first moment I meet them, and in fact they are beautiful to me, just a little goofy looking.
Becoming a dad has been one of the best things I have experienced in my life. I am honored by the challenge, responsibility, and privilege that comes with being a dad. It is one of the most important things in this life we men are presented with. Sadly many of us do not take it as seriously as we should. We fail to realize that there is not a single thing on this earth that can mess up our children more than we can but I will save that topic for another day. Let me get back to Nate.
Today, marks two things: He has now been gone from us for four months and either today (or tomorrow :P) he would be turning one years old. It is very hard not being able to celebrate with my little guy. Even harder is the fact that we have two days rather than one to go through it. With that said, we are going through it and the Lord continues to give us strength each step of the way.
To quote my good friend Zack, "we don't necessarily move on, but we can move forward." The pain will lesson and, in many ways, make us stronger but it will always be there even if we can look passed it. The pain does not stop us, or give us grounds to give up. There is still much life to live and much more to fight for. We move forward.
In this, we have picked up a tradition that our friends the Reeves from Northern Utah do for the daughter they lost, and will celebrate Nate's birthday by doing something that we will not get to do with him. So tomorrow, in true red neck fashion, we are going to head out to a favorite Jeeping spot for the day and cook some hot dogs over an open fire. It is something that I am sure he would have enjoyed.
I want finish with sharing this, I have realized now more than ever, that this life is what I make of it. Bad things can happen to me, or anyone for that matter, that don't seem fair and are quite horrible, it is still my decision on how I am going to react to it. I am in control of my response.
On that note, for those who would like to know how I am, I am doing well. Some days are harder than others, but God is good everyday. Just saying.
I love you Nate! Happy Birthday! Have fun with Jesus today (or tomorrow)! We will have some fun down here for you.


  1. your words are so beautifully and wisely put. Zack is very wise too. for what he said it so true. Not many people are as strong as you and Melissa and I admire you both.
    we love you,
    Ed and Sharon Cauble

  2. Hi Phil...I love your idea for celebrating! Good plan. Yup, keep moving forward, but do allow yourselves a time for sorrow and remembering....then tuck those thoughts and memories away, back on the shelf to be retrieved at a later date.
    lots of love
    auntie rose

  3. Phil- although sometimes I think you are weird and crazy (more than sometimes, I guess), your outlook on this is something to be desired by many. I can only hope that one day, should something occur in my life that is heartbreaking, I can look upon the example that you and Melissa have set and move forward.